several months ago, before this virus made it’s entrance into the world as we know it… i was on a date night, a RARE date night with my husbdand.  we had arranged for my parents to come over and watch the babies, holden was just a newborn.  on my way to the restroom i bumped into some familiar faces at a table and started to chat.  we landed on the topics of work, kids, working from home with kids (which is what i do) and so on.  it was mentioned that rosie was getting almost old enough for school (2.5 at the time) so i casually shared my future plan to homeschool the little ones.  seconds later, with a great amount of confidence and assurance, the only male in the group cleared his throat.

“you will be doing your children a disservice if you homeschool them.” he said as he straightening his body upright in the chair. the words were assertive and sharp, he seemed instantly pleased with himself. 

the relaxed, inviting energy had abruptly shifted into an atmosphere that was stiff and unpleasant.  honestly, i was pissed.  after a slight pause, the females looked down at their salad plates and began eating again in silence.  their body language said “sorry, i’d chime in but i’m going to let him feel powerful.”

“well, anyway… that’s my plan!” i say with a superficial smile. 

the ladies and i awkwardly said our goodbyes as i wandered off to the restroom.  returning to the bar with my husband, he could tell i was clearly in a different mood as i sighed deeply and took a big gulp of my wine.  zach is very poised, patient and non confrontational- three strong qualities i admire and often lack.  he helps balance out my irrational moments, and i bring a little bit of edginess to his comfort zones.  together we are able to communicate effectively.  after a few minutes of me venting and cursing under my breath so that others wouldn’t hear, i decided that rude comment wasn’t worth our rare, kidless few hours.  so i brushed it under the rug and we enjoyed the rest of dinner, just the two of us.

fast forward to this pandemic we’re all living through…  parents today are faced with many difficult decisions.  some are making arrangements for their kids to participate in distant learning programs from home.  some are sending their kids back to school for the first time since march.  some are choosing a blended option.  some would love to keep their kid’s at home, however, their jobs are crucial for putting food on the table.

there is so much judgement circulating.  it is everywhere, it is unreal.  as if ANY of us truly know what the hell we are even doing.  it’s like people are bursting through the doors, shouting from the rooftops, waving their flags, claiming to have this entire thing figured out. is there like some kind of reward for ‘pandemic parent of the year’?  why are we so hyper-focused in being RIGHT?  there isn’t a race nor a competition.  nobody wins.  no gold medals.  no heroes.

since our nation’s response to COVID-19 has been a complete and utter failure, we now deal with the reopening of schools in the midst of a crisis.

the children going to and from public school will be at risk daily of contracting and transmitting the virus.  not to mention, those who are raised by grandparents or family members with compromised immunity or heart disease.  although many will have the comfort of their friends, routine and somewhat sense of normalcy.  school is a place of safety, meals and supervision for a great amount.

the children who are distant learning or homeschooling are at a lower risk for the virus, more time with family, and less strain on the education system.  however, the children who stay home may struggle with isolation and/or depression.  pretending like there is a perfect choice is simply naive and untrue.  instead, we must strive to constantly be mindful of the disadvantages accompanied with BOTH sides here.  we must not live in denial to the fact that changes will occur continuously.

we are starting the distant learning with kamille this semester as we NEVER imagined diving head-first into sixth grade from home.  i’ve always envisioned my first homeschool gig to be teaching colors, the alphabet and pre-k arts and crafts.  and let me tell you, i KILL IT with colors, the alphabet and pre-k arts and crafts!  as we embark on this new chapter, it is all quite terrifying.  i’m sure that once we get in a rhythym it will all work out, but i am anxious in the anticipation.

from time to time, that unwarranted comment from the date night circles back into my memory.

“you will be doing your children a disservice if you homeschool them.”

it’s fine to think that.  it’s fine to say that to your wife once i walk away.  but does this person truly even know me, our children, their needs, our lifestyle so well to be SO sure of this? perhaps what is best for one family may not be the best for another.  or here’s a crazy thought:  there can be more than one way to do something, and succeed.  why should one person assume WE all should comply with what THEY are comfortable doing?  somewhere in life, a theory was born that everyone should do the same, act the same and believe the same. that doesn’t feel natural to me, so i’ll take my chances.

distant learning might very well be an epic fail.  homeschooling might be a shit show.  i might give up.  my kid’s might give up.  we may change our minds.  we may thrive, but we may fold.  instead of professing our choices to be flawless, i welcome the good, bad and all the in between.

we’re all are on a human journey.  this journey is not supposed to be impressive, it’s imperfect. this journey will be messy, uncertain and full of challenges. therefore, the imperfect mother i’m still becoming, would be doing herself and her children a disservice if she didn’t wholeheartedly and unapologetically trust it.

xo,

krp