It was a very warm, bright sunny day in McAlester Oklahoma.  His birth was perfect and beautiful, something I’m so grateful to have experienced and cherish forever.  Not long before I had him, I shared my ‘medicated’ birth plan in a post and was overwhelmed by the response.  An immense amount of love and encouragement along with messages from moms thanking me for sharing.  This clearly needs to be brought to the surface and 100% normalized.  There are so pros and cons and ANY choice you make these days.  Here is how Holden arrived safe and sound… 

I saw my OB on Tuesday, at 37w5d.  At that point, the contractions were daily and getting pretty frequent, yet still pre-labor status.  I had already been 3cm dilated for over two weeks also, and 80% effaced.  We discussed the possibility of having am augmentation later in the week, but still was unsure what I wanted to do.  I needed to think about things and see how the week played out.

Late Thursday night to the early hours of Friday the contractions were waking me up and keeping me awake, getting much more intense.  I just KNEW it was baby day.  Spoke with my OB and I headed for the hospital around 5:30am.  Luckily, I had everything ready to go (as some of you know) for a while prior to that because I had been nesting my life away, haha.  This was perfect because I had just had all my pampering done- K curled my hair the night before, doula Haylee had been over to visit (and rub me down with clary sage)… I was ready!

Haylee being the angel she is, picked me up around 5:15am so that Zach could stay home with both of the girls, get K to school and R ready for the day.  Keep in mind, everything is about five minutes away in town, so we knew once things started rolling, we could grab the kids and be together in the event of baby being close.  That has also been such a lovely thing about having a doula too when you have other children.  She was always able to stay with me keeping me comforted if Zach needed to run the kids places.

Haylee and I arrive at the hospital and they knew I was coming in the ER.  Filled out some paperwork, checked in to Labor and Delivery, things got REAL quick.  I was so calm though.  Everything felt so peaceful and soothing.  I was truly SO excited, giddy and emotional- in a good way.  I popped out my phone and got a photo of my big ole belly one last time and filmed little clips of the room as we were settling in… (posted to the ‘h’ story highlight on IG).  

At the first cervical check, I was a 4.  They inserted the first (and only) cytotec to ripen my cervix even more.  The next check about an hour or so later I was a 5.  An hour or so later my OB broke my water.  The contractions came on strong.  An hour or so later I happily ordered my epidural and received it about 30 minutes later.  By the way, the BEST epidural experience of my LIFE (his name was Phil and if you’re delivering in Mac and want the best, ask for him).  

After the pain subsided and I had relief, the girls had arrived to the hospital.  I couldn’t WAIT to see them!!  The day before I had just bought them ‘big sister’ gifts and was so excited to give them.  Talk about all the tears.  Zach brought them in and they got up on the sofa and started opening their boxes with big smiles. 

That moment was precious and one I’ve locked away in my heart.  It was the last time I would see them before they had a baby brother! 

We chatted, took one last family of four pic, and off they went to wait with family in the waiting area.Things really took off after that.  Next check was a 7. Then not even an hour from then a 9!!

So when I was a 9, a little after 3pm ish, Dr. Torbati told me that in about 15 minutes he would come back and have me start pushing.  As sooooon as he left the room, I had a sudden feeling (I mean, an URGE) to push and I quickly told the nurse to grab him.  He was right back and the pushing began.  A few practice pushes and it was TIME.  Tears were flowing.  Zach’s were too.  We were going to meet our son any minute and I couldn’t literally process it!

This team of amazing humans surrounded me with so much positivity.  I had Kamron (and friend, Dr. Torbati, Zachary my dear husband, Haylee the angel doula, D’Andra my L&D nurse also had with R’s birth and was so thankful to have again, my precious photographer, which should take up birth coaching bc she was just as much support as she was photographing… ahhh just some incredible people- even the nurses aides were lovely!  Ok anyway… so I was pushing and I mean pushing harder than ever.  I think I was making some crazy sounds and my head looked like it could explode, but I couldn’t wait to get him out!

“So close, so close, keep pushing” they would say…. “Good job Katy, you’re doing awesome”… things I remember hearing.  A few more minutes he was crowning and they talked about his “HAIR!” which made me SO excited (I had awful heartburn the entire pregnancy). 

Then finally I had the biggest bulging urge to push, and gave it my all… His head was out, I reached down to try to pull his but I couldn’t quite grab him and said “just pull him out and give him to me!”  And he did.  There was was!!!  So squishy and cheesy and all the new baby bliss. 

The first thing I did was look into his gorgeous eyes and YEP- he looked just like my baby.  The name I had hoarded for months and kept private.  There he was. In all his glory.  We cried in disbelief that our beautiful baby boy was earth side and all ours!  Then I said to H, “I’m so sorry I wanted you to be a girl, I’m sooo glad you’re not a girl!” 😂🙏🏼🙌🏼  I was obsessed with him immediately.

*delayed cord clamping*

First thing was first. That GLORIOUS GOLDEN HOUR. We always take 1-2 hours with our baby to do skin to skin and say hello (just me and Zach) before anyone else enters the room. Before, I made the mistake of thinking K would want to come in sooner (during the first few minutes) when R was born, but she couldn’t handle it. Girl has a WEAK stomach ha! So we must make sure the nurses have everything tidied up or she will lose it. Therefore mommy and daddy took advantage of this moment to soak up the love just the three of us. My heart exploded when I looked up at Zach with Holden for the first time.

  • proud, proud daddy

H’s big sisters came in the room to meet him and it’s currently my new ‘best moment ever’.  Zach and I are so blessed and life just keeps getting sweeter.  The obstacles, ups and downs and heartaches are so worth it in the end.  You must always find grace in the timing of your journey and TRUST in that always.  Be gentle with healing, take all the time you need and start over as many times as it takes.  There will be a rainbow after the storm and it’s usually when you very least expect it.

  • party of F I V E

Lastly, if you have chosen a MEDICATED birth plan, epidural or induction of any kind- please never cease to TELL YOUR STORY.  It is worthy of being heard and everyone has a unique way of giving birth to a child.  There is definitely a stigma attached to using medication and somewhere along the way the ‘strength’ of a mother has been blurred.  I’ve never felt stronger in my life and being fully, mentally and physically present has been the most amazing experience.  Thank you so very much for following along and reading about our baby boy’s birthday.  He is truly so precious to us.

first latch. nursed like a champ right from the start.

3:40 pm

7lbs, 8oz 

20 in

some family came in to say hello…

The next day… Glad to have these sweet moments captured of our short hospital stay before going home. Woke up feeling amazing and in awe of our SON. So grateful to be released in just over 24 hours from birth.

    All photos are by Mary Rhae Photography. Love you so much Mary!! xx